LIVING LIFE ON THE EDGE

To those who live life on the edge, your world can be exciting, adventurous, exhilarating, but also exhausting, addicting, and overwhelming. Always on the lookout for the next greatest thing. Be careful or it might pass you by. Relaxing, enjoying the moment, chillin’ are not on your mind. On balance, do the positives outweigh the negatives? I don’t think so.
          Many years ago, my father imparted powerful wisdom to me, which he borrowed from Greek philosophers. The golden rule of Greek philosophy was this: Moderation in all things.
          In our newer world of counseling and psychotherapy, this golden rule has become the mantra of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). In my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, I introduce mentalligent psychotherapy (MPT). Most adversity that we encounter involves some version of living on the edge. With MPT, we challenge the extremes that are filtering into our client’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Albert Ellis, with his rational emotive therapy first identified the importance of extreme words to our emotional health. Later, Donald Meichenbaum expanded the lexicon with cognitive behavioral therapy.
          So, what extreme words and beliefs put us living life on the edge? Such words include should, could, must, need, only, ever, never, and the like. You can see how these words limit the options to our responses.
          “Doc, you just don’t understand. I have to knock three times at every door I enter. “If I don’t bad things will happen,” my patient concluded after explaining an anxious situation to me.
          “Well, Matt, I see how your conclusions put you in a mental box.”
          Matt wrinkled his brow, not really knowing what I meant. I continued. “What would happen if you only knocked twice each time?”
          “What do you mean?”
          “Well, would your heart stop?”
          “No, that’s silly.”
          “Not to you, Matt,” I countered. “That box is so tight around you that you might suffocate if you don’t knock three times.” I saw Matt begin to hyperventilate and began a calming sequence with him.
          As Matt regained his composure, I concluded, “Now, Matt, I’m not suggesting that you give up your irrational ritual altogether. Start slowly. Every once in a while, why don’t you knock only two times and see what happens. Make it a personal experiment before you decide to moderate your behavior.”
          “Okay, I’ll give it a try,” Matt reluctantly conceded.
          The goal of CBT is moderation. With MPT, I use mindfulness and positive psychology along with cognitive behavioral strategies to reach that goal.
          When you step away from the edge and embrace moderation, you develop the possibility of changing your trajectory from downward spiraling to upward spiraling. You start your healing journey toward overcoming your adversities and finding better stress management and a stronger sense of resilience.
Blessings,
Dr. Jon