ARE WE THERE YET?

If you’ve ever been in your car with your children, ages less than ten, then you’ve been asked this question, maybe multiple times. Sometimes it’s repeated multiple times, just to annoy you. Other times it’s recurring occasionally, as you make your way to your destination. While your child wants a reasonable time estimate, there’s always an underlying situation.
          If your destination is a fun place or activity, “are we there yet?” is code for feeling eager, anxious, or frustrated with anticipation. Going on a fun vacation, to a recreation theme park, to the zoo or aquarium would be spots where getting there would be a chore that they would want to get over quickly.
          If your destination is more for you than for your kids, perhaps a trip to visit distant relatives, “are we there yet?” is code for being bored, feeling antsy, wanting any kind of interaction to make the time go more quickly.
          In either case, the question suggests that your child may have an emotional fever. That is, physically all is well, but emotionally they are out of sorts. When my kids were young and these circumstances came up, I would ask, tongue-in-cheek, if they needed me to go to the “sorts store” to get them back in sorts. LOL.
          With that ice breaker, take some time to help your kids figure out what they are feeling. This is the heart of active listening.
          Mindy was being fidgety in the back seat. Restless, changing position, sighing loudly. I picked up on these cues of her emotional fever.
“Hey, Baby. What’s going on?” I caught her eye in the rear-view mirror.
“I’m bored. Are we there yet?”
“Getting there can feel like forever, huh?”
“Why do we have to go? Can’t we go somewhere closer to home?”
“Ah, but when we get there, think of all the fun we will have.”
“That’s stupid. It’s no fun getting there.”
“You’re really stuck, huh?” His daughter got quiet. “I have some thoughts about how we can pass the time. Wanna hear them?”
          After your child gets her feelings out and pauses is the time to ask permission to offer solutions. If you offer them to soon, she might not feel heard. She may take your solutions as dismissing her feelings. So, as you move forward, get her permission.
          Nowadays, with the ever-present IPad and personal phone, kids frequently find ways to occupy themselves on long car trips. However, if these electronics lead to commotion, or if you have a family rule of electronic-free time together, then car trip games can fill the bill. Even young children can follow and participate in the “I spy something” game. Each person in the car takes a turn identifying something in or outside the car by a feature, like color or shape or position. The others, then also in turn, make guesses as to what/where the object is. Time passes quickly and everyone is involved having fun.
          For older, school-aged kids, “Ghost” passes the time quickly and also helps kids with their spelling. One family member starts with a letter and others add a letter in turn until one person completes spelling a word. If I spell the first word on my turn, then I get a “G.” Whoever spells out “GHOST” loses the game. More of a thinking game that’s also fun on car rides.
Finally, sequential story-telling can be fun, with unexpected twists and turns in the plot development. Here, one of you starts a story with, “Once upon a time…” Each of you takes the storyline as it unfolds and adds only one sentence at a time. The story can be as long as your trip and keeps all involved, since no one knows just how it turns out and how it gets there.
Long ago, when my oldest grandchild was only age 7, she and her dad and I undertook a 6-mile hike up Mount LaConte in Gatlinburg, TN. It was a rigorous, 4-hour journey, where each of us had a backpack. We started a sequential story at the outset and little Katie was so involved in the plot development that she kept pace and didn’t ask once to be picked up and carried.
“Are we there yet?” can be the bane of every family’s car trips. Use a variety of road games to help your child pass the time around naps and other trip activities. They will help you connect with your children and add to the fun of getting there.
Blessings,
Dr. Jon