Adversity gets a lot of bad press. “Oh, I’ve got so much going on. I can’t handle all of it.”  “I’ve got my hands full now, and I’m gonna have another baby?”  “The boss wants this proposal by when???”  “My life has just gone downhill since my daddy died when I was a teen.”

          It comes in all shapes and sizes, from everywhere. But actually, adversity is a good thing. If we didn’t know bad, how would we know and appreciate good?

          When I was in college, back in the dark ages, I took sailplane lessons, also known as gliding. You know, an airplane with no engine? Call me crazy, but it was so fun. The key, upon release from the lead plane, is to find thermal air drafts. Sounds easy, but these boys are invisible air currents that spiral upward from the earth. With high atmospheric pressure and a clear blue sky, they are pretty abundant. If you find several, you can stay aloft, spiraling upward on the air currents, for a long time. Sailplane rules, however, require keeping your landing zone in visual site at all times and starting your descent for landing when your altitude dips below 1000 feet.      

          I use this metaphor to introduce mentalligent psychotherapy (MPT) to my patients. Adversity happens. Stuff happens. If we just let it be, we quickly get stuck. What you do with adversity gives you opportunity to find the upwardly spiraling air current that keeps you aloft and out of the muck and mire of life.

          From the MPT perspective the goal of therapy is to turn your stuckness into a blessing in disguise and then gather tools to help you stay unstuck. Those tools include mindfulness, positive psychology, and cognitive behavioral interventions.

          My daughter, Rachel, was six years old when she learned how to ride a two-wheel bicycle. She was very scared at first. I gave her instruction on pedaling, keeping balance, and turning the handlebars to go where she wanted to go. When she first started riding, I held onto the back of her seat to help steady her balance and keep the bike upright.

          “Don’t let go, Daddy, don’t let go,” she pleaded as I jogged behind her moving bike. We did this together for several times, lengthening the distance she rode each time. The last time, without warning, I let go of the back of her seat.

          Rachel rode successfully for a hundred feet or so, laughing and feeling really accomplished. Then she moved toward the side of the road, stopped pedaling, but let the bike bump the curb. She fell over onto the grass, with the bike landing on her side. Oops! I had failed to show her how to stop the bike.

          I ran to her side as she began to tear up. No blood, however. She seemed to be all in one piece. As she reached up for me to pick her up, I smiled deeply at her and marveled, “Wow, honey. What a great fall. That was magnificent. Good job falling. Now you know how to handle even the difficult and unexpected when it happens.”

          Rachel took a deep breath, smiled, and I congratulated her again on a great fall. I then taught her how to brake and dismount without falling over. We practiced as I got on my bike and we rode our bikes together to a 7Eleven to get a Slurpee. Such cognitive reframes are a mainstay in mentalligent psychotherapy.

          In my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, readers get a sneak peek into how effective counseling and psychotherapy actually work. I share lengthy, descriptive, emotionally intimate narratives of adverse circumstances people have been able to overcome, find the blessing, and use as launch points toward upward spiraling away from their stuckness and toward the good life. It is also a good, adjunctive read for graduate students.  It complements their study of psychotherapy. MPT is more than healing words, but also a context for learning how to live your life in the present, embrace a healthy lifestyle, stay unstuck, and pay it forward. Order or pick up a copy today.