FIND THE BLESSING

Blessings come in all shapes, sizes and forms. While the reference has a spiritual connotation, generically a blessing is a positive spin on an event that benefits you in some way.
          My patients seek me out in part because they are dealing with extreme and confusing emotions, life-altering trauma, or relational issues and are just out of sorts. I have even had some folks tell me they feel cursed. So, my job is to help them find the blessing in their upside- down life.
          Mentalligent psychotherapy (MPT) is my vehicle as they travel the path of their healing journey. I tell folks that I’m not a “why” doctor. I’m not going to just help them feel better. I’m not going to just help them get over their difficult past.
          Rather than “Why did this happen to me?”, I’m a “what” doctor, not a “what” doctor. “What’s going on here? Over what can I exercise control? What’s the path forward?” Universally, we have no control over events that have happened to us. However, we have every control over how we respond to them. I assure folks that I will act as their guide on their healing journey, helping them make positive, self-affirming, better choices and creating their own good life.
          “So, Robert, I’m glad you made this first appointment with me. How can I help?” I started his first session with me. From the jump I want to be affirming. My subliminal message to him is simply, “I can help.”
          “Well, Doc, I’ve been battling depression, it seems like my whole life,” Robert exhaled deeply slumping his shoulders and casting his gaze downward.
          “You certainly seem to be at rock bottom,” I responded with empathy, and then continued. “Tell me how your depression has impacted you today.”
          “Well, let’s see,” Robert paused to put his thoughts together. “The alarm went off and I slammed it and threw it across the bedroom. I then went back to sleep, ending up being late for work. My boss tapped his wristwatch as he silently passed me in the hall. I thought, oh crap, here we go again.” Robert fell silent.
          “Wow!” I exclaimed. “Rough start for the day.” I paused thoughtfully, “I’m going to ask you something that may be farthest from your mind, so take a moment before you answer me.”
          Robert took a deep breath and, letting it out slowly he replied, “Okay…Let me have it.”
          “For just a moment, and just for me for now, tell me something, however small or remote, that happened today that gave you a small sliver of hope that your life is not completely going to hell in a hand basket.”
          He sighed again, sitting quietly before joking sarcastically, “You don’t ask for much, do you?” I gave him time to think.
          “You know, I didn’t ask nor expect Carol to pop in my office and offer me a cup of coffee later this morning. That was nice.”
          I leaned forward in my chair before acknowledging, “Great! Good for you, Robert. Take that coffee with a heartfelt thank you every time it’s offered.” I then concluded, “Ya know, a wise man once told me that what you pay attention to grows. Pay attention to the bad, it grows. Pay attention to the good, and it grows. Which do you think is going to help you lift your weighty depression?
          In my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, I introduce mentalligent psychotherapy to elegantly weave together mindfulness, positive psychology, and cognitive behavioral strategies to help patients change their life course from downward spiraling to upward spiraling. Robert began his first session with me by telling me part of his downward spiraling life story. I asked him to stay in the moment (“tell me something that happened today…”), change his focus to something positive (“that gave you a sliver of hope…), and find the good (grow it) as a cognitive behavioral strategy.
          MPT is an elegant strategy to help your patients find the blessing on their path to the good life.
Blessings,
Jon